Pieces.

He walked into the room, smiled slightly nervously and the first thing I thought was 'God. What a beautiful man.' It was almost surreal. He moved his hands with a grace I could never begin to hope for. His eyes lit up when he talked about anything outrageous. Which was often of course and then he'd laugh self consciously.

I could have looked at him forever.

And he was fun to talk to, fun to be with. I know that's not the best of descriptions. Just the word 'fun'. A million more could substitute. Comfortable, crazy, ridiculous. Heartfelt, yes. Mixed up, yes. Sexual, yes.

And then there was this one. Who told me he was 'perfectly content' with his life. Who kept up nights for no reason. Not because he was restless but just with the fucking contentment of it all. And who told me I was too restless, too all over the place, too easily bored. I told him I'm really a hopeless romantic. But not to tell anyone because it was a secret. He just laughed. I wanted a secret from him. He insisted he had none. Then he told me he'd never told anyone this but he loved the head rush he'd get after spinning in circles.

Not perfectly content after all then.

Moving Forward

Funny how people waltz into your life. Waltz may actually be too graceful a term. It certainly doesn't apply to everyone. People crash and stumble and knock you over. They stroll in, whistling casually. Maybe even winking. They smile, they coerce, they walk in backwards. Sometimes you don't even notice that they're there till the last minute.

And then they leave.

Funny how sometimes you think you can't live without them. Moments in alleyways, pauses in conversations, shared smiles alll deceive you. All make you think that this is it. There's no living without this now. This feeling, this spring in your step, this person.

And when they leave, you're shocked to discover that  life actully does go on. And you go on without them, But then again, why wouldn't you?

I'm back

It's funny how when you lose something, you look around desperately to find people who are worse off and when you do find them, you never quite know what to say.

Here's to me smiling again. And here's to a summer that should be amazing despite what it promised.

What should be part of my mission statement...

I am never going to get married. This is not me being ridiculous, non conformist or just plain old inexperienced. This is me begging you to take me seriously. It seems as if it works for most people and I sure as hell can't think of an alternative but marriage is a lie for the most part. Unless you're extremely lucky and manage to find someone who will compromise for you as much as you're willing to compromise for them.

However, my expectations of people are not that high and never will be. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself and what you did with your life. And that is how it should be.

Well, for me anyway.